We’re Doomed! (Or Not)

Over the past few days the world has been abuzz over the recent meteorite strike in Russia, that just happened to coincide with the close pass of Asteroid 2012 DA14. If that wasn’t enough, reports coming out of Cuba state that a similar event took place in the central part of that country. Then, reports came out of the San Francisco Bay area of a bright fireball streaking over that city! All within 2 days of each other.

“Oh Crap! We’re Doomed!”

With these events taking place all within a matter of days, there is a temptation to place some kind of meaning to these events. Unfortunately, many are doing so, and that only stirs up unnecessary fear. While it is hard to get a precise measurement of how much space dust and debris falls to Earth each day, some measurements suggest it could be up to 200 metric tons, while other measurements go as low as 5 metric tons/day. Either way, that is a lot of debris coming in! Most of this is literally dust sized particles left over from the formation of the Solar System. This dust burns up as it meets the atmosphere, and can be occasionally seen in the form of fast moving “shooting stars.” However, there are times when larger chunks of rock enter the atmosphere and put on a dazzling display and appear as brilliant fireballs streaking across the sky as they burn up. Then there are those that make it through, and fall all the way to the surface of the Earth. Usually we do not notice these because the chances are that they are going to fall into the ocean, or an unpopulated area.

Thursday’s event in Russia was only unusual in that it occurred over a populated area. Same with the one over Cuba, and the one over the San Francisco area. These events are not precursors to some type of Apocalypse. They are not signs pointing to the end of the world. These events have been happening, well, since the formation of the planet billions of years ago!

That being said, there is a very real danger and likelihood that Earth will be hit by a very large asteroid – one that could even end civilization. NASA is actively searching out objects of that size and believes that 90% of such objects in near Earth orbit have been found.  What the event over Russia should teach us is that more needs to be done to search out these smaller rocks. 2012 DA14 was not seen until literally the last second. Funding for such searches, and developing ways to deflect such objects needs to be a priority, not just of one country, but of all countries.

Thoughts On A Massacre

Batman. A cartoon character come to life on the Big Screen. Michael Keaton played the first Big Screen Incarnation of the iconic cartoon character way back in the 1980’s. Keaton was followed by Val Kilmer, who was followed by George Clooney who was followed by Christian Bale, in the latest trilogy. Bale’s Batman portrays a darker character.

“The Dark Knight Rises” was the most anticipated movie of the summer. People everywhere, including myself, were excited to see this movie. No one cold have possibly foreseen the horror unleashed in a Colorado Movie Theater on a Friday night. In fact, those first few seconds of terror were seen as a publicity stunt. Those gathered in this theater thought that the first actions of unspeakable terror and horror were part of a promotional stunt – until the tear gas hit, and the very real bullets started to rip into people.

No one in this theater asked for this. No one in this theater expected this. One person did expect this. One person meticulously planned for this attack. That person was James Holmes. No one, at this point knows the why? Why did this young man, that, apparently was incredibly bright, plan and carry out this massacre? What event in his life triggered this awful action? No one knows. Frankly, no answer will suffice for me.

Already, the gun control debate has been re-opened. In my opinion, no amount of gun control would have prevented this. This was a meticulously thought out and planned attack. He would have found those weapons one way or another – legally or illegally.

Already, the debate about violence in media – the movies we watch, the video games we play, the TV shows we enjoy – is on. The majority of us can recognize the difference between Hollywood fantasy and reality. Last week, I myself watched a movie on Cable – “Shoot ‘Em Up”. It was ridiculously violent. I was laughing at the absurdity of it. Not for one second did I think it was anything near real. The idea that this movie promoted this act is absurd! This was the act of one seriously deranged young man! Hollywood movie makers cannot be blamed for that.

These people gathered in a theater to enjoy a movie. A movie is made to entertain and provide a time for people to indulge in an escape for a few hours. Whether that movie is a sappy chick flick, or a violent gore fest, we recognize that it is escapist fantasy, and when we leave that theater, we return to our REAL lives in a REAL world.

Our thoughts should be directed to those that lost their lives, and to the injured. I am sue that in the coming days and weeks, more will be learned about James Holmes, and what motivated him to commit this horrendous act. These men, women and children were gathered together to enjoy a movie – a fantasy designed to provide an escape from reality for a few hours. How can we best honor their memories? Do not give in to fear. Recognize that the majority of people are good and decent human beings, as the acts of heroism coming from this tragedy are a testament of. Continue to go to theaters. Go see this movie. Do not allow the darkness overcome all that is good and decent.

I Fought The Cable Company, And the Cable Company Won

My cable company sucks. I thought they didn’t.

The story goes like this.

I signed up with a certain phone company that provides internet service.  After 3 years with them, I thought I could probably get better service with the Cable company. I thought the connection would be faster, and I would have faster download speeds. So, gleefully, I called the Cable Company and made the switch. HA! After 3 years, I was sticking it to the man. Or so I thought.

The day arrived! I was so ready to begin this brand new relationship. I bundled ALL of my services – cable, internet and phone. It was supposed to be so wonderful. It was supposed to be cheaper, and easier, and blah, blah, blah. It took all of 4 months for the relationship to go sour.

I remember the day. I was happily surfing the internet and suddenly my connection dropped. “No problem”, I figured. “I’ll just reset the modem.”  I happily resumed surfing and poking my friends on Facebook. Until it happened again. Then again. It didn’t stop happening. I even called the Cable Company. They walked me through a bunch of stuff to change the modem settings. I thought the problem was solve. Until it happened again. Then again. It just kept on happening.

I called tech support. I was placed on hold for over an hour. All the while listening to pre-recorded messages about how the Cable Company values Customer Support.  I finally reached tech support. She was very nice. The conversation was light and I laughed as she made the usual, “Isn’t technology wonderful, until you need it” jokes. I could imagine developing a wonderful relationship with her. Then I quickly stopped myself from going there. She works for the Cable Company. It will never work.

This very nice lady was actually able to walk me through some things to get the modem working. It worked for about a month. Then the connection dropped. It was now happening every day. Every hour. I’d had it. I called the Cable Company. I was placed on hold for over 2 hours. I hung up in frustration. I called again. This time, I believe the Cable Company set a record for placing someone on hold. Three hours later, I slammed the phone down in frustration.

The icing on the cake came a few days later when my bundled internet, cable and phone was silent. No cable. No internet. No phone service. For over 4 hours.

I called the Cable company. No answer. Because the Cable company owned my phone service!

When everything was restored. I called the phone company. Unfortunately my phone service was provided by the cable company.They blocked the phone company phone number.  I had to go to a neighbor to cancel the cable company and get the phone company hooked back up.

BTW, now that ll is well, I have phone service, and internet service by the phone company, the Cable company is calling me to tell me how awesome their phone and internet service is.

Something’s Up.

“Jericho”

“Journeyman”

“The Event”

“V”

“Terra Nova”

“The River”

So here is a question: “What do these shows have in common?”

I’ll wait.

They were all sci-fi themed shows canceled after one single season. (Granted, “Jericho” gained a reprieve after fans inundated CBS with thousands of pounds of peanuts, resulting in a limited second season).

So, another question: “Why have these shows, introduced with much fanfare, and produced with huge budgets only lasted one single season?” Were they just God-awful? No. They were actually pretty good. Something else is going on here. I know what that is.

We are about to be invaded.

You heard me. Invaded.

Oh, I can hear the questions! “By who?”

Not who. What.

I have come into possession of the following image. An inside source, whose name I cannot disclose, claims that this picture was taken during the last election campaign, where this “Visitor” can be seen clearly endorsing Obama.

This endorsement was conditional upon the Obama administration using Hollywood to “condition”, or desensitize the public to the existence of aliens among us.

The best way to do this?

Hollywood. Yep. You heard me. All of these shows combined elements detailing the coming take over. They were all heavily funded by the government. The fact that rating were low indicates public apathy. That means the public does not care. That means we are ready to be taken over.  We won’t resist. We won’t fight back. How do I know all this? I listen to “Coast To Coast AM.” If anyone knows what’s really going on, it’s the people who go on that show.

Plus, my dog told me. He wouldn’t lie.

 

Spring!

It finally happened!

A west coast Canadian winter is brutal for someone who suffers from depression, like me. From the end of October, to the middle of April it seems as if we have a never-ending succession of storms and rain. The town in which I live has towering mountains several thousand feet high on all sides. It’s a narrow valley at the head of Canada’s southern-most fjord. The clouds funnel in, up the narrow inlet, and settle in like a grey, gloomy blanket. The mountains are hidden, and if you had never seen them, you would think that they did not exist. Then there is the rain. The seemingly, never-ending rain. Torrential rain. Buckets of water pouring from the skies. Those are the days that make me wonder if I should build an ark – or at least a really big canoe, to be safe. Even the dog looks outside and shakes his head. The darkness comes early, and night settles in like a cold, damp blanket over our homes. There is very little comfort as I walk the cold, dark streets. The rain can last for weeks without a break. My depression mirrors the weather outside. My mood is gloomy, dark, and grey. I often wonder why I moved back to this place where I grew up. I think of an escape plan, a way out again.

Then, something remarkable happens. Something so subtle, that I hardly notice at first. After the darkest, coldest days of January and February the days seem a little brighter, a little longer. Even under the canopy of grey, it seems a bit brighter. Slowly, but surely, change is coming. The increasing daylight is a gentle reminder of the timeless truth that the giver of all life on our planet Earth is once again coming back, bringing its life-giving warmth and light.

March comes in like a lion. Wind. More rain. Late winter snows. But, along with the winds and rains, it gets brighter, and warmer. As I walk the dog, I begin to notice something else. Tiny green shoots poking through the damp soil. New life is beginning to appear. Tiny buds appear on cold, lifeless branches. The sun, still on its journey northward in the sky, begins to appear, peeking through the clouds, bringing warmth and warming my spirits on the inside. The cold, dark, gloomy rain filled days of winter are relinquishing their icy grip to the fresh, breezes of spring.

It finally happened. Easter weekend, 2012. As I walked down the streets, suddenly, flowers are in full bloom. Freshly released leaves are basking in the first real warmth of spring. Even the dog has a fresh spring in his step. People return to the streets. Walking. Gardening. Playing. Everyone is happy and smiling. How ironic that all this should happen on Easter weekend. I am no longer a religious person. But, whether one is a believer or not, the message is the same – the life-giving sun has once again returned, bringing the promise of new life and new hope.

Have a wonderful spring!

My Best Friend!

This is my 2-year-old Jack Russell Terrier, Rusty Jack.  Rusty is an amazing companion. He is a ball of energy and unconditional love. I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression and have struggled with it for all of my adult life. I also fell from a ladder at work in 1997, and injured my spinal cord. In 2003, I went through a difficult transition in my life. In order to cope with everything going on, and my life crashing down around me, I turned to narcotic pain killers and alcohol to deal with life. I thought the bottle was my best friend, but after several years of near constant drinking, I found that this friend stabbed me in the back and enslaved me.

The longest time of sobriety since 2003, has been about 4 months. Weekly binges have been the routine for the past 8 years. The alcohol I used to self medicate came with a heavy price – more health issues, and worsening depression. It’s not been a fun time.

It’s awful. Shaking, anxiety, and terrible nightmares keep me awake all night. Dehydration due to the excessive alcohol consumption keeps my mouth dry, and my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth. The one thought that keeps going through my minds is this: “I am going to die. They are going to find my lifeless, decomposing body in this bed one day. Soon.”

So, I will lay there and began to mentally go through what I know is coming over the next few days. First will be the pain. Pain in my back. Intense, near paralyzing pain will be upon me within hours. I knew I will be barely able to get out of bed. Pain is always with me. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. It’s my constant companion. It’s always worse after a binge.  So, to escape this excruciating hell, I will sleep. I will sleep upwards of 20 hours a day for the next few days. I will only get up to take the dog out to the bush across the street for him to relieve himself. I will apologize to him for not taking him for longer walks and the runs he so loves. I will go back in my apartment. Crawl back under the covers. I will not eat. If I do eat, it might be soup from  a can. Uncooked soup. Open the can. Spoon it out. I won’t have the energy or even the will to put it in a pan and add milk or water. I will throw the can in the sink. I will crawl back under the covers. I will apologize to my dog for not being a better owner. I will feel guilty. I will sleep.

In three or four days I will feel the first twinges of stomach pain. Over the next 3 – 4 hours, that pain will only get worse. I dread what is coming as I realize that I have been totally constipated for the last week. I will run back and forth from my bed to the bathroom for hours, straining until I almost pass out. I will remember when that really happened. It was not fun. Regaining consciousness in a pool of your own blood is never a good thing. Even though that was many years ago, the memory still haunts. I will come back to reality as I am going to be doubled over in pain.

I know what will come next. It ALWAYS happens this way.  I know it will be disgusting. I know it will cause me to almost vomit. I always hope will make it to the bathroom one last time. Sometimes I don’t. Either way, it will NOT be a pretty sight. I know that after a few hours of filling the toilet with all the sludge and crap of my latest binge, I will feel better. I know my energy will come back. I know I will begin to eat normally again. I know I will be careful to drink lots of water to get my body re-hydrated. I will feel better. I will clean my apartment. I will go for longer walks with the dog. I will forget the vow I made several days earlier as I lay in bed recovering from my binge:

“I have to stop this. I will STOP drinking. This time is THE LAST TIME!

Then, I will make a choice. I will choose to repeat the cycle again. Then again, and again.  It happens this way every single time.

I don’t know what time it is. I don’t even know what day it is. All I know is that for the past 4 or 5 days I have drunk a lot. It’s starting again. I start to mentally go through everything that I know will happen over the coming hours.

This time, something different happens. I feel something stirring against my back. I roll over to see Rusty making his way slowly up to my face. I look at him. I see the look in his eyes. Trusting and loving. For the first time I realize that this, living, breathing creature relies upon me for everything. I start to think about what would happen to him, if, one day, I did not wake up? I realized that I owed him something in return for the unconditional love he gives to me, even in the midst of endless binges. He never condemned me. He always snuggles up to me, crawling up on my lap.

He is my best friend.

I look at my watch. Tuesday, January 27, 2012. I come out to my living room. I kick the dozens of empty beer cans out of my way.  I survey the wreckage of the almost week-long binge. The previous twelve hours tops out at 45 empty cans of cheap beer. The day before that, another 45 empty cans. The day before that… Forget it. I don’t even bother counting anymore. I just grab the garbage bags and start shoving empty cans in. Four large trash bags later I can see my floor.  I find my phone, and finally reach out for the help I desperately need. I can’t make it on my own.

I’d like to say that January 27 was the last time I had a drink. I made it three days shy of two months sober. I fell. I hid away. Then, I got back up, and went back to the one place I have been able to find support and encouragement. I have fallen 3 times since January 27. I thought it would be easier to beat this. It’s hard. Very hard. Old patterns are hard to change.

Despite my failings, my best friend, a little Jack Russell Terrier has been my loyal companion. Every time I look at him, as I am now as he sleeps, curled up next to me in a tight ball, I realize he needs me. But, as I travel this road of recovery, I think I need him more.

Easter Egg Hunt Goes Horribly Wrong

The residents of the small Ontario, Canada community of Happyland watched in shock and horror as their picturesque town was wiped off the map when an Easter Egg Hunt, organized by local business person and philanthropist Sam Swann went horribly wrong.

For weeks, Happyland residents were abuzz as news of the Good Friday Easter Egg Drop and Hunt spread through the local grapevine. Good Friday began as it had for generations in Happyland, with an Interfaith church service at the local rink. Following the service, residents of Happyland and neighboring communities brought their children to the Community Softball Fields and waited for the festivities to get underway. Hundreds of people cheered as a giant Sikorsky S-64 Skycrane helicopter, rented by Mr. Swann, thrilled onlookers with several low flyby’s.

Sikorsky S-64 Skycrane in action

At exactly 12 Noon, the flying behemoth hovered 1500 feet above center field and opened the doors of the huge cargo pod slung beneath. The raucous cheers, filling the crisp Spring air quickly turned to screams of terror as 35,000 pounds of small chocolate eggs became caught up in the downdraft of the massive heavy lift helicopter. Witnesses say that the little eggs became like tiny missiles quickly destroying anything they hit..

Fortunately, no one on the ground suffered injury as the ground crews waved the chopper away from onlookers, still carrying an estimated 30,000 pounds of chocolate eggs. Residents stood by helpless as the pilot guided the Skycrane over the main business and residential areas of Happyland. Tiny chocolate eggs still raining down, flattening homes and businesses everywhere.

Locals were clearly in a state of shock once the dust, and chocolate settled. Lifelong resident Fern P. stated: “It was like the bowels of hell itself opened up and rained down chocolate showers of destruction upon our heads.”

Husband Vern agreed: “We’re a God-fearing people! People everywhere were crying out for the Good Lord to save them. Today, Happyland as visited by the devil himself.” One other witness stated that, “It just didn’t end. Just when you thought there couldn’t possibly be anymore, the tiny eggs just kept raining down, destroying everything in their path. It was horrible.”

Sam Swann, organizer of the event has offered to rebuild many of the homes and businesses of the tiny town, many residents are saying that they will never be able to get over the memory of their livelihoods being ruined by the tiny chocolate missiles. They are packing up what they can salvage, and moving on. However, true to the spirit of the message of Easter, residents were quick to forgive Mr. Swann. As one resident was heard to say, “Bless Sam’s heart. He just wanted to give something back to the community. Despite all we’ve lost, we’ve still got our health – and that’s all that counts. Besides, if the Good Lord Himself can forgive me for all the wrong I’ve done, I can forgive Sam Swann for this little mishap.”

U2’s The Edge Beats Bono Senseless With Unplugged Guitar

Written By Michael Lonergan

A recent U2 benefit concert to raise awareness of extreme poverty in Africa ended abruptly as guitarist David Evans, more popularly known as, “The Edge”  began babbling incoherently during U2’s hit song, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” The apparent emotional breakdown came as lead singer Bono was leading the more than 100,000 concert goers as a huge choir singing the song’s chorus. Bono was about to launch into his typical ranting sermon about ending poverty in Africa when fans claim they heard The Edge babbling like a baby. Witnesses state that the usually calm and rational The Edge then unplugged his guitar, walked over to Bono, and began smashing the pricey, custom made instrument over the unsuspecting lead singer’s head. Witnesses to the shocking turn of events are unclear if it was the second or third blow to the pretentious lead singer’s head that rendered him unconscious.

As stunned fans looked on, a clearly disturbed Edge had to be restrained from inflicting further damage by at least five burly security team members. As The Edge was finally subdued and led away from the battered and bloodied Bono, eyewitnesses closest to the attack claim they heard The Edge screaming, “For over 30 bloody years I’ve had to put up with this lunatic ranting and raving about saving Africa! But what about me? I’ve had to hold this bloody band together while Sir Bloody Bono goes off gallivanting around the world, meeting Popes and Presidents! Well, I’ve bloody well had it! I can’t take it anymore! He can stick the whole bloody continent of Africa up his self important arse! For the love of Christ and his mother Mary and all the angels, somebody had to stop him!”

A clearly shaken and shocked Bassist, Adam Clayton stood ashen faced as he gazed upon the battered and bloodied head of Bono. He appeared unsure of what to do next as The Edge was carried off stage in restraints. Drummer Larry Mullen Jr. was reportedly heard stating that it was like the “Achtung Baby” recording sessions all over again, where the band nearly broke up in Berlin in the early ’90’s. Mullen Jr. stated, “That’s it. I’ve had it.”

Fans report that after several more minutes, Bono regained consciousness, proclaiming that he had come back from the dead and had finally found what he was looking for.

So far, the band has not released an official statement in regards to the incident.

President Obama Sends Strong Message To Hollywood; Orders Nuclear Strike Against George Lucas

Written By Michael Lonergan

In a live television broadcast on all major U.S. Networks earlier this evening, President Barack Obama sent a strong message to Hollywood, and the people who made some of the biggest money-making blockbusters of all time.  The President, in his almost 1 hour speech called upon movie directors such as Steven Spielberg, Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich to work together to bring a more meaningful movie entertainment experience to Americans. Then, in a shocking announcement, the President ordered a nuclear attack on a certain Hollywood movie mogul.

The President stated that, “In these times of economic uncertainty, I believe Americans expect more out of the people who provide the entertainment we have come to love. Americans want to see more than big explosions and end of the world disaster flicks that have sent many Americans, already unnerved by dim prospects for the future, over the edge.”

President Obama went on to discuss the ongoing problem of Motion Picture and Franchise ‘Re-boots’. “My Administration has been quite concerned about the growing phenomenon of movie franchise re-boots. They’re even coming out with a new “Spiderman” and “Superman” reboot.  That is why, tonight, I am calling on my friends in Hollywood – Steven Spielberg, Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich to what I have termed, ‘The State of the Movies Summit’, to be hosted here at the White House this Summer.

“My message to the current crop of motion picture Directors in Hollywood is clear – Stop it! Just Stop it! Stop it with the endless movie re-boots. If a movie didn’t work the first time, what makes you think it will work now? If a movie was great the first time why mess with it?

That brings me to another point, and that is this: You will notice one name not on this list of esteemed Directors – George Lucas.  I feel that Mr. Lucas has done a terrible disservice to tens of millions of American adults by destroying their most precious childhood memories – that of sitting in a movie theater in May, 1977, transfixed as the opening bars of that now famous theme rang out in theaters across America. As children, Mr. Lucas transported us to that Galaxy far, far away, not once, not twice, but three times. So, you can imagine the anticipation that Michelle and I, along with millions of other Americans felt when we first heard the news that George Lucas was going to bring the first part of this amazing story to the big screen some 20 plus years later. Michelle and I lined up outside a movie theater in Chicago, as many of you lined up outside theaters all across this great nation of ours hoping to recapture that wonder and sense of awe we all felt as young children. Imagine our complete disappointment after the final credits rolled at the end of ‘The Phantom Menace’. We were disappointed, not once, not twice, but three times. Then, we heard that Mr. Lucas was finally releasing the Blu-ray edition, and we dared to hope and believe that Mr. Lucas would not screw us over again. But, as if to rub salt into an open wound, Mr. Lucas showed his disdain for movie fans everywhere with a single word: ‘Noooooooooo!’

I extended an offer to Mr. Lucas, an invitation, if you will. I directed my Administration to make available whatever resources necessary for George Lucas to make right a terrible injustice visited upon the American movie going people. Mr. Lucas, once again showed complete disdain by releasing a video game for the X-Box 360. ‘Star Wars Kinect’, where Mr. Lucas invites us to dance with our favorite characters from all six of the ‘Star Wars’ movies, as insipid disco music pounds in the ears of our children. I convinced members of my Administration that this callous behavior had gone too far, and that this Hollywood mogul had crossed the proverbial line in the sand and passed the point of no return. So, after meeting with the Secretary of Defense, I have directed 10 of our B-2 Stealth Bombers, or half of our operational fleet, to carry out nuclear strikes against Skywalker Ranch, which we believe to be the base of operations of Mr. Lucas’ empire. Our goal in this operation, which we have termed ‘Operation Skywalker Redemption’, is not necessarily to take out Mr. Lucas, but to take out his ability to further inflict damage upon the hearts and minds of the American movie going public.”

The President ended his speech with the following statements:

“It’s regrettable that we have had to take such forceful action, however, Mr. Lucas asked for it when he made those God-awful prequels. He taunted us when he meddled with the dialogue in the Blu-ray release, and, finally, he begged us to put him out of our misery with the latest ‘Star Wars Kinect’ game. We had no choice.

It is the hope of this President, and this Administration, that such strong action will serve as a deterrent to any other movie director that chooses to completely ignore the values that the American movie going public have cherished since those early days of movie magic. It is our hope that the upcoming ‘State of the Movies Summit’ will provide a guide towards a new cinematic future for Americans.

May God Bless you and, May God Bless The Silver Screens of these United States of America.”

(Image from Commons)

Get Your Brain Tarts! Fresh Brain Tarts!

Just a little blog by a man and his dog. Some fun stuff. Some serious stuff. Some stuff that’ll make you go “Oooooooohhhh, Ahhhhhhhhhhhh” Some stuff that’ll make you go, “Huh?”